I just returned from daily Mass, what a blessing to have a Church less than two blocks away from my place of work that has a midday Mass. What a great way to break up the work day, remind myself of what is truly important in life, and to bring myself back to God. But I digress...
One of my co-workers happened to be there today and we ended up walking back to the office together. As it happened, about 20 minutes before Mass, I mindlessly reached over and drank the last swallow of coffee from my cup sitting on my desk. I realized what I had done as I sat the cup back on my desk on my Divine Mercy coaster... Why didn't I look when I grabbed my cup? Oh well... So, I went to Mass and abstained since Communion was only about 45 minutes after that drink of coffee. Well, my abstaining had not gone unnoticed and on the walk back my co-worker asked why I went to Mass but didn't receive.
I was a bit taken aback by the question as I thought, what if I had abstained because I was in a state of sin? But, that wasn't the case, so instead of an honest, but vague, "I didn't feel I was properly prepared" response, I explained my coffee gaffe.
That led to a conversation which we continued all the way back to the office, up the elevator and then in my office for quite a while longer...
His initial response to me was that he thought it was a bit of an arbitrary discipline, a bit silly, and that maybe I was being a bit scrupulous. I said, I didn't see it that way. I said, I understood exactly what he was saying, that at one point I would have certainly agreed that it seemed arbitrary and silly, especially considering how the rule has changed from being a fast from midnight, to a 3 hour fast, to now being a 1 hour fast with the 1 hour being preceding reception of the Sacrament and not start of Mass.
But, for me, it is no longer a rule I follow out of some sense that I must obey some arbitrary discipline. I've come to see the discipline as something quite different. Anyone that knows me, even a co-worker like this fellow that doesn't know me really well, is likely to know that I am a huge U2 fan. Have been for over 30 years. I know he is quite aware that I took vacation last year to travel to see them in concert. The weeks leading up to the concert I increasingly became more excited, more focused on getting to see them in concert, yet again. The friend that was going with me and I were making all the preparations and last minute plans for the trip. It was almost a constant thought in my mind and anyone around me would have found it impossible to avoid knowing that I was going to be going to see that concert. I love U2 and the weeks leading up to seeing them live were a period of preparation and constantly thinking about what I was going to experience...
I'm sure you can see where I'm going with this, but... Going to Mass, physically touching and receiving God into my body! We all take God for granted. Some to the point that they don't even recognize His existence, but all of us at some points in our life just fail to actually think about Him or recognize His presence, His love, His constant giving and call for us. For me the fast is about that. If the weeks leading up to a concert from my favorite band are a period where they are constantly in my thoughts and I am constantly anticipating being in their presence, what about that last hour leading up to actually touching the God of the Universe and actually accepting Him into my body and uniting my body to His, how much more should I be focused on and anticipating that? If 45 minutes prior to my flesh and God's flesh becoming one I was just mindlessly working and reached over to take a drink of coffee and was not even thinking about God in my life and my impending meeting with Him, I am really not recognizing Him or prepared for Him.
I've never been closer than 10 feet to Bono, the Edge, Adam or Larry. The closest I've been has been to have a bridge on their stage be within 10 feet of me with Bono singing into the crowd. I had chills being that close to him, and if someone were to walk into my office right now and say, "Monday Bono will be here in the office and I were to have the chance to meet him in person, talk to him, shake his hand, have a beer with him, get his autograph, have him talk directly to me, I can only imagine the excitement I would feel. The anticipation and how much it would consume my thoughts. Bono is just a man; a great singer with a gift for lyrics that really touch my mind, heart, and soul, but just a man like me.
God is so much more. The Eucharist is the body, blood, soul and divinity of Jesus Christ, my Lord and my God. To me the one hour fast isn't just some arbitrary man-made discipline that I view as some minimal measure I should just try to observe, getting as close to the line as I can without crossing it. No. To me the discipline is simply a starting point for recognizing what I am participating in.
Every day I am mere hours or days away from touching God and being one with Him again in the Sacrament of the Eucharist. He is the God of the Universe, my Creator, my Lord, and one in being with the Father, my Father. He is Infinite and Perfect. He is Love. He is all that is Good. He is the source and inspiration for everything good, including U2. Every single day my mind and focus should be as much on Him as it was on U2 in the weeks leading up to seeing them in concert. Actually, it should be even more focused. But, that feeling is a reference point for me.
If 45 minutes before touching Him I was completely oblivious to Him was I really prepared to receive Him? Was I really understanding what He was offering me? I didn't and don't feel that I was in the proper state of mind. So, I stayed in the pews, on my knees, gazing upon Him. Telling Him I'm sorry I lost sight of Him. Opening myself up to let Him heal that weakness in my flesh and soul that allow me to take Him for granted and allow Him to slip from my thoughts.
He's where He belongs right now. Front and center in my mind. And hopefully I won't allow myself to lose my grasp on this Truth between now and Saturday morning Mass tomorrow in my home parish. Or at least, I will hopefully be able to keep myself aware of Him and my opportunity to be with Him for the hour preceding Communion tomorrow morning...
